For Bernadette Catalana, nothing she has accomplished in her personal or professional life compares to the experience of raising her two daughters.
“I’ve done a lot of things in my life, but nothing comes close to the joy, the challenge and the deep satisfaction of being their mother,” she said.
A successful defense attorney living in New York, Bernadette is also the author of “Daughter Lessons.” It is a collection of short essays written to share love, wisdom and encouragement with her daughters as they left home to begin their adult lives.
What started as a deeply personal project has become a source of inspiration for countless other women who are navigating the complex emotional terrain of parenting adult children.
At this stage of her life, Bernadette is passionate about helping mothers and daughters forge stronger relationships built on love, trust and mutual respect. She believes the role of a mother doesn’t end when the children leave home. Rather, it evolves into something deeper, more meaningful, and often more rewarding.
A mother first, and always
As her daughters approached adulthood, Bernadette realized something sobering: one day, she would no longer be there to guide them. So, she wanted to leave behind something lasting that was not just memories, but words of wisdom they could revisit whenever they needed encouragement, reassurance or a mother’s perspective.
“I picked up a pen and made a commitment to write something every day for a month,” she explained. “Each entry was a lesson, a reflection or a piece of encouragement meant just for them.”
Those daily notes eventually grew into “Daughter Lessons,” a book that captures the essence of what it means to love, support and release your children into the world.
The cover features a candid photo of Bernadette and her two daughters laughing together in a moment of pure joy at a wedding.
“I tell people the only two people who need to read this book are the ones on the cover,” she explained. “But I’ve been amazed by how many other people have connected with the message. Those include mothers, daughters, fathers of daughters, and even women who were raised without strong maternal figures.”
Parenting never really ends
Bernadette is quick to note that parenting doesn’t stop when children become adults. It just takes on a different form.
“You’re not out of a job when your kids grow up,” she said. “The job description just changes.”
For her, that means being available when her daughters face difficult life choices, offering guidance when asked, and continuing to model the values she tried to instill in them as children. But it also means stepping back, trusting their judgment and respecting their independence.
“It can be hard to watch your children make decisions that you think might be mistakes,” she admitted. “But those are their choices to make. As a parent of adult children, you become a trusted advisor, not the one calling the shots.”
She credits her ability to navigate this new season of motherhood with the deep connection she built with her daughters early on. Even when moments were challenging, she never stopped believing in them.
“It’s easy to love your children on their best days, such as during recitals, graduations or birthdays,” Bernadette said. “But the real test is loving them on their worst days, when they’re struggling. That’s when they need our support the most.”
Strength through mentorship
While Bernadette’s daughters remain at the heart of her purpose, she has expanded her circle of influence to include the next generation of professionals. As a practicing attorney, she takes special pride in mentoring younger lawyers, especially women, through the early stages of their careers.
“I call them my work kids,” she said. “Mentoring has become one of the most satisfying parts of my professional life.”
She approaches these relationships with humility and mutual respect. Rather than positioning herself as someone who has all the answers, she sees mentorship as a two-way street where everyone learns and grows.
“I’ve found that the most well-rounded people have friends and mentors of all ages,” she said. “When we stop thinking in terms of age and status, and just relate to each other as people, that’s where the real magic happens.”
Lessons from generations past
Bernadette’s understanding of the mother-daughter relationship is shaped by her own upbringing. As one of seven children raised by a single mother, she saw firsthand the challenges of parenting under pressure, and how easy it was for women to lose themselves in the demands of daily life.
“I know what it’s like to grow up without having a close relationship with your mom,” she said. “She was doing the best she could, but there wasn’t much time or energy left over.”
That experience fuels her desire to encourage other women to embrace joy in their parenting, even when the work feels hard and the hours feel long.
“I call it the ‘martyrdom of motherhood,’” she explained. “So many moms feel like they have to suffer to prove their love. But the greatest gift we can give our children is to enjoy them, and to let them see that their very presence brings us happiness.”
Healing old wounds
Bernadette is also deeply aware that not all mother-daughter relationships are close or easy. Some are strained by past mistakes, unresolved trauma or unmet expectations. She believes healing begins with honesty, grace, and a willingness to let go of blame and shame.
“None of us had perfect mothers, and none of us are perfect mothers,” she said. “But we can choose to forgive, to understand, and to move forward.”
She often encourages women to look at their mothers through a generational lens, asking, “What was her relationship with her mother like? What did she have to overcome?”
When guilt or regret creep in, Bernadette practices what she calls self-exoneration. As a lawyer, writing comes naturally to her, so she writes an imaginary case defending her past decisions. She does so not to avoid responsibility, but to find peace with her humanity.
“You did the best you could with what you knew,” she said. “And now that you know better, you’ll do better.”
Creating space for joy
Today, with her daughters grown and grandchildren bringing new joy into her life, Bernadette focuses on living fully and with intention. She travels often, spends time with her family, enjoys yoga and cooking, and continues to stay active professionally.
She also believes physical movement plays a big role in emotional and spiritual well-being.
“When you start to feel out of sorts, get your body moving,” she advised. “Take a walk, stretch or just breathe. It’s amazing how that one action can shift your entire mindset.”
She strongly rejects the notion that age is a limitation. In fact, she finds it frustrating when people over 50 refer to themselves as old.
“Why would you say that?” she asked. “The things we say about ourselves become true. If you say you’re old and tired, you’ll feel old and tired. But if you say you’re strong and still growing, then that’s what you will be.”
Writing the next chapter
Bernadette’s message to other women over 50 is simple. This is your time. You get to decide what the next chapter looks like.
“Don’t put yourself in a box,” she said. “You have the freedom now to raise yourself in ways you never could before. You’re wiser, more grounded and more capable than ever.”
Whether it’s through writing, mentoring, parenting or simply showing up with love, Bernadette continues to live with purpose, and invites others to do the same.
“I feel like I can give myself an honorable discharge from full-time parenting,” she said with a smile. “I did a good job. And now, I get to help other people along the way.”
For more information
People can connect with Bernadette in several ways, such as:
- Website = www.daughterlessons.com
- Email = bernadette @ daughterlessons.com
- LinkedIn = www.linkedin.com/in/bernadette-catalana-27057759
- Instagram = www.instagram.com/daughterlessons
Her book, “Daughter Lessons,” is available on Amazon and in other bookstores.
If you buy Bernadette’s book from a link above, Forward From 50 may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
